The adventures of traveling long haul with a two year old.....

It's been a long whilst since my last confession... I mean since my last blog post. My little bundle of fun (son) has somehow just turned two years old. It's truly hard to believe that i) 2 years has passed since his birth ii) and I have a 2 year old child!!!

Traveling alone with a young children was not something that I ever thought much about - that was until I had a child of my own. Living on the other side of the word meant that a long haul trip would be happening sooner or later. I hadn't ever imagined that it would be at the worst possible point in a toddler's life. Old enough to know what's going on, but still too young to comprehend any of the following points of traveling etiquette:
- waiting in long lines, (airport security, immigration, boarding plane)
- sitting in a confined space,
- 'following seat belt sign instructions'
- being quiet when 200 other people are sleeping.

The idea of drugging my child through the travel had crossed my mind (though If I had done this I'd probably be divorced by now), but as time passed before the trip, I wasn't organized enough to get any appropriate drugs. I thought organizing night flights would be a smart way of helping my kid sleep at least a little bit. The longest of the three flights was 14 hours - YES I DID JUST SAY 14 HOURS!

Why would I do this you ask? Well when you realize that whilst your child is under 2 years old, YOU DON'T NEED TO PAY FOR THEM; and you have family so far away that you need to take 3 planes to see them- it seems like a logical thing to do.


There were only a couple of small gaps in my plan:
1) I hadn't factored in any significant delays or airport dramas, of which I have had more than my fair share of prior to this trip.
2) I'd never tried flying half-way around the world with a wriggling, noisy 12kg weight on my knee
3) I'd never dragged a 2 year old through a single airport before, never mind 3 airports in one trip.

Before having a child of my own I'd been one of the people thinking ( after seeing a parent dragging a young child down the plane isle) - oh no... please don't sit near me. I had suddenly been on the receiving end of those looks. Those looks were nothing compared to the people on the long haul flights - who saw me either at check-in, or gate - and could be seen to be thinking - oh no - don't bring that child near me. Being British I apologize for a lot of things that are not my fault anyway, (including when a person bumps into me when I'm stood still) but double the number of apologies I was handing out to my fellow passengers as we boarded the plane. 

If I tell you the dramas of the first 24 hours - you'd be here another 48 hours reading it so I will give you a bullet point summary of what did (and can) go wrong when you take on this kind of challenge.

• Flight 1 - 5pm Wellington (New Zealand) to Melbourne (Australia) delayed, 1 hour, then undisclosed period and eventually 6 hours...
• Connecting flight missed whilst still at original airport (Melbourne - Abu Dabi). Told at 10pm to go home and come back the next day.
• Flight route & company changed to: 1 hour flight to Auckland (NZ), then 17 hours to Doha (Qatar) - then 2 hour gap before 7 hour flight to Manchester (UK). 

There a million issues this raised - which all ultimately led my little boy being dressed in his pyjamas and running round the boarding area drinking his bedtime bottle before being offloaded into the cold night.
So after returning just 8 hours later we flew to Auckland (had 2 hours of my boy sleeping on my shoulder - because the airline said our 'small' trolley was too big for me to take it on the plane and so had to be checked through to the UK) whilst I pleaded with Qatar airlines & Qantas to find a way to fix the 'mistake' made when our flights were changed to get my child's ticket reinstated. As the tears of desperation (no exaggeration) were beginning to roll down my cheek we were told it was "ok" because despite the IT 'issue' someone realized they could write a paper ticket (I kid you not!)  We required a full escort to the gate and through security to make our 17 hour flight - without time for a nappy change, food or more importantly - a cup of tea!

So, one man, one baby and one seat for 17 hours, on a plane! - Snakes on a plane move aside - this was an action movie you could not help but get into.  The flight went something like this....

• Hour 1 - How many times can we make the nice lady come to the seat and ask us to keep the window shade pulled down - by pushing it up at every opportunity? The answer - 25 times.
• Hours 2-3 - Desperate Dad tries every trick to have child remain seated  - playing the window shade game, reading books, trying to the tv distraction game. = Fail
• Hours 3-7 - Walking up and down the plane isle. (During the return leg shouting 'seat, daddy seat' - which sounded to the native ear like 'shit, daddy, shit'
• Hour 8 - Food - my child likes food - and ate well. 
• Hour 9 - Daddy attempts to change nappy in airport toilet - without getting covered in soap, water and flushing baby paraphernalia down toilet accidentally. = Fail
• Hours 10-12 - Back to ilse patrol - now with sleeping passengers to torment or point at whilst saying 'shit'.
• Hours 13-17 Sleep - for child at least, Helpful passengers then help daddy carry luggage off plane into terminal building on 32 degree heat at 02:00. 

This made the 7 hour flight just two hours later seem quite tame. The variation of flight 3 was simply, food, read, walk up isle, food sleep, poo, sleep.

A 2 year old child is beginning to see 'fun' potential in almost any activity, though they just have no clue that what they are doing (no matter how mundane) might be annoying, dangerous or just not appropriate. So after a 3 full flights, virtually no sleep and all the drama, I was so relieved to touch down in my home city almost 40 hours after I started. my child however saw one last opportunity to just extend this adventure. He decided that he had enough energy and determination to drag hand a small case on wheels almost one kilometre to the arrivals hall - refusing any help along the way!


No as for the journey back - let me give the short short version!
UK - Dubai ( A spare seat and the opportunity to at least get a little rest with just 1 hour of walking up isle).
Dubai 14 hour layover: - A train, 1km walk to mall and an in mall aquarium - with a 2 hour sleep in the airport  = success
 
Dubai - Sydney: Nightmare - no spare seats - stood for 3 hours whilst child slept in solitary chair + stood to feed child as tray couldn't be lowered with child on my knee.
Sydney - Wellington (Short, sweet & just typical AirNZ)

So the take home message is..... don't ever fly by yourself with a 2 year old  and if you do... buy some child reigns!! Being able to tie your child to a chair whilst you (accidentally) sleep at an airport is a life saver!

Time waits for no man... especially a man with a baby!

It's been months since my last confession, well blog post, and there's good reason for that; the reason is a little now 14 month old bundle of fun. My boy is quite definitely not a baby any more and is very  close to independent walking which will add another new level of trouble for us parents. He's a fully crawling, stumbling, machine who likes to be 'on the go' usually from 615:am EVERY SINGLE DAY WITHOUT EXCEPTION!

I shouldn't complain as he does sleep well at the moment (We are in a good cycle of sleep for now). But my oh my, it's incredible just how our little toddler's engagement in occupations affects the rest of the family's ability to engage in any different activities. Good sleep cycles feel like winning the lottery - or at least what I imagine winning the lottery would feel like; initial euphoria, followed by counting your blessings, followed by complacency of a new normal. Am I truly appreciating the opportunity to sleep through most of the night? (The fact that I am writing this post at 10:34pm on a Friday night suggests not). That's exactly it, I have become complacent in the idea that teh opportunity to have a semi-decent night's sleep will be there for a while - but that is unlikely to be the case.

So instead I am filling my 'opportune sleep moments' with other occupations (writing articles / blog posts/ catching up on football matches etc etc....).

Time is not a parent's friend..... well at least that's one train of thought.... another might be.....

And other perspectives quite likely include.....

DAY CARE TALES & TIPS:

Whilst attending daycare is not a fully new experience for us and our little one, enrolling our child as a permanent recruit to a day care centre has been a new experience. I've certainly have had a few funny thoughts about the day care process for parents and figured other parents must have had similar experiences or thoughts, surely? So lets examine the day care process as a new parent.

1) Administration: How much paperwork do you think is required to obtain a day care placement? More than you might think. Ok, there is the standard personal details form, a medical form and  payment form - all pretty standard stuff right?!

Then you have the 'child preference form' written in the first person.... I (insert child name) like (list as appropriate), dislike (list as appropriate). My favorite things to do are (list as appropriate), and my favorite people are (list as appropriate)... I soon discovered that joking or being humorous on this form might not be as funny as it first seemed - as it turns out there are good reasons for this information being requested.

I learned that the following humorous response was not likely to be well received:

I (*****) like crying, peeing & crapping when its least convenient for you, dislike wearing nappies and strongly dislike gin with lemon instead of lime.

My favorite things to do are skydiving at weekends and going for long country walks, and

my favorite people are usually multi-colored alien-esk creatures that sing and dance and make inaudiable sounds.

Competing the EXTENDED medical form was like writing a complex medication care plan!  What medication was used, when , how much, how many times a day could it be used, who could issue it, was extra permission required? All these questions have their merits and uses however it was still a shock to be confronted with all this. On a more positive note, day care does provide lots of very positive messages.

2) Unspoken Protocol (habits & hazards) Every day care center has their own unique habits and hazards. Our current center has lovely staff, great outdoor facilities and nice little games and toys for the children. I have learned through some push & pull games with the staff that they are not trying to wrestle my child away from me in a malicious or selfish fit of rage, but merely trying to ensure each child receives a physical and welcoming contact when they each walk through the door each morning. I don't recall this protocol ever be spoken out loud.

On the hazard front, to enter the car park for the day care center you have to turn directly across the path of a busy cycle lane - in rush hour! I'm not sure if anyone has considered the risks of having parents driving car with little kids inside, through a path that needs the utmost levels of concentration.  I am yet to cause any major pile up, but oh dear lord I'd be making cyclists slow down if I could.

3) Sharing information with known strangers. Maybe it was just me, but it seemed that parents of kids of a similar age will start to tell you the most personal details about their little ones that they might not ever think about telling a stranger in an other context. Yet it seems that if your children happen to be sharing a space for any length of time beyond 30 minutes, some parents will feel as though mere fact grants you access to each others circle of trust. This extends to the day care staff, who I have witnessed being told all manner of personal information about a child's issues and even issues between the parents / carers - which I am not sure was really relevant to the day care staff's duties.

And finally... Baby songs - I have quite a few questions about these:

1) Why are they exclusively sung by people with really annoying US accents on youtube??

2) One monkey (child/ other animal etc) falling off a bed and banging it's head is unfortunate, 2 is bad luck, 3 perhaps is coincidence but 4, 5 & 6...? At what point does the doctor who is taking calls from the distraught mother after each head injury going to change his statement from "no more monkies jumping on the bed!!!" to something more appropriate like "Mrs Monkey, I will making a referral to social services to assess the safety and well-being of children within your care & p.s. if you call me one more time today about monkies jumping on a bed, I will have your number blocked..."

3) Why did the mother duck keep letting her ducklings swim 'over the hill and far away" if they kept going missing every day! - Doesn't this just smack of irresponsible parenting?

4) Yes the wheels on the bus go round and round, but should the horn on the bus be going beep beep beep all day long? there's a road rage issue there I'm sure!

I'm simply not sure that these are the messages we should be peddling to such young and impressionable kids!

THE OCCUPATION BIT... The role of parenting a very young child exposes us to participate in tasks and activities that we may have little understanding of, very little past experience of and perhaps little confidence in our ability to complete successfully. However there are strong influences from societal expectations, self-perceptions and innate emotional drivers that compel us to at least attempt these tasks or enter environments we may feel ill prepared for. How many other roles in out life can we say that about?

How do we choose to view or interpret our success in this parenting role and what basis do we use to validate that success? Do we have some kind of 'personal development plan', with SMART goals that determine what we are going to learn / achieve within a certain time frame in preparation for our next challenge? Are we being guided far more by our own instincts, which may have developed through our own lived experiences, rather than a logical and objective set of parenting guidelines?

How do we know when we've got it right? As I'm sure we are quick to be told when have made a mistake in a child-raising issue - either by an unhappy, child / partner of relative. All these questions may help us to develop a better understanding of how we learn to parent.

As for me, well, I'm happy to be feeling confident enough to navigate through these new experiences with the help of my partner, family and friends and approach 'the unknown' with equal amounts of humor and fear.

Regards from Parent Land

A taste of pre-baby life, the beauty of sleep and not forgetting a baby's sibling/s.

Hi everybody,

I'm 4 weeks into a 6 week break with my son being overseas visiting family. Being away from your child at 9/10 months for 6 weeks is a pretty big deal (more for the parent than the baby I reckon). I'm not one to sit around think about  the negatives, so after a stressful start to the 6 weeks, I quickly devised some planned weekends of activity, thought about how much money we might save not having to heat the baby's room all night (a major issue in NZ), and thought about all the possibilities that lay before me for the next 6 weeks.

A TIDY HOUSE;
First thing first, I didn't want too many reminders of being so far away for my little one, and also because I like things to be tidy. I have realized, much to my frustration, that no matter how clean and tidy you might have been in your pre-baby life, it is almost impossible to keep a clean and tidy place once a baby enters your life. There are toys, clothes, food splatters and basically anything the baby / child has touched flung into places you just can not believe. I swear to you that the places that baby items hide away almost defy the laws of physics. Time is the usual barrier to keeping things tidy now and in one place, but your kid's ability to propel food and toys into the far flung dark corners of any room is quite amazing.
I hunted down all stray baby items and put then away in his room and when I finished I remembered what a normal living room and kitchen looked like. You can see the kitchen worktop, you can see more than 50% of the floor space and possibly most enjoyable is that you can sit on the couch and when you get up, you will not have a dummy, toy or bib stuck to your arse or leg! More seriously, you realise you can put things down (cup of tea, keys, phone) and not be worried that it might be a serious hazard for the baby.
One final thing to note is that I have still come across lots of quite stereotypical comments from people when they learn that I'm now being a single parent to a teenager. These comments are not at all insulting but seem to suggest that people still hold firm beliefs that a 'womanless' household will struggle with cleaning, cooking and domestic tasks. I'm not attributing this to NZ culture because comments aren't exclusively from Kiwis. People have said - "oh are you boys coping / eating well?" - Clearly they have forgotten that I survived perfectly well for 15 years before getting married.

SOCIAL LIFE & CHANGES OF RELATIONSHIPS;
This may be a bit more controversial. I know there are parents that say they don't miss their pre-baby life. I am not one of those parents. Please don't misunderstand , I am not saying I regret having had a baby, not at all.  I am just saying that having no spare money, no free time and no decent sleep are not things that I consider to be a 'joy of parenting'. Yes I know people keep saying 'things get easier' and I believe they do.. hopefully!

Therefore I embraced the freedom (restricted freedom that single parenting the other child brought) and planned as much exercise, socialising and a few late nights out, as I could. I'm not going to lie, it's been really great to be able to do things that I just haven't had time to do in the past 18 months. Having a break from 24 hr intense parenting has allowed me to do lots of fun things, but that's not really the message I want to get across. It's not just being able to stay out late, or beyond even just 7pm,  it's the opportunity to reconnect with people on a different level. For 4 weeks now, I have not been perceived as Dan the parent of a baby - but Dan the friend, Dan the colleague, Dan the sports coach.... and just Dan... me... not an attachment of a baby. In a total role reversal of the past 9 months conversations I have with people have changed from being baby-centred, to being person-centred. 

I've had conversations about work, relationships, sports - etc. I have only spoken with a few parents about this issue in detail and it seems most people take a view that (this is just what happens when you have kids), you end-up spending less time with people without kids, more time with young children as you can identify with those issues. However as this change continues, you really have very limited time to consider how these changes effect yourself emotionally. I am sure there are parents who really struggle with this but may feel guilty for even thinking of considering their own needs even for a minute beyond the needs of their baby.

My OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY experience and journey has taught me many, many things about life. I've seen many different types of 'carers'. There are carers who have gradually fell into that role for a partner, parent or close relative, there are carers that suddenly found themselves in the role after an accident or trauma. I have met carers / parents of kids with physical and emotional issues, child carers (often oldest siblings from dysfunctional families) and carers of dying relatives. Objectively, from an external perspective, and in most situations, the advice to carers is to allow some time for yourself, help yourself stay healthy and strong so you can be the best carer for the person you are caring for.

Often the hardest job is supporting a carer to let others help and maintain the relationship they want with the person they are caring for, and not lose that intimacy by stopping the primary role activity (partner, parent, son, daughter, friend) - yet we don't really apply the same thoughts to parenting. I can only speak from my own perspective of course but I know there are people out there that the loss of / change to, their own identity really difficult...

THE OTHER SIBLINGS:
Being baby-less for 6 weeks has also allowed me to spend some quality time with my other kid, which has been another opportunity I have taken a full advantage of. In fact the more time I have spent with my teenager in the absence of the baby, the more I feel a little guilty about the lack of time that we have been giving to him. We have been out socially together more in the past 4 weeks that we have in the last 9 months and it's made me realise that we have been missing out on some pretty great development and quality time with him. With so much focus on the baby and immediate needs (feeding, toileting, sleeping) we have had less time to do things together. Given a teenager's need for long sleeps and weekend sporting commitments, (the same can be said of the parents), it's not easy to create lots of quality family time. Though living her in NZ there are endless opportunities to do outdoor family stuff and this is something I hope we manage and find a better balance to make sure we don't miss too much of any of either of our kid's development.

THE UNKNOW PARENTING ETIQUETTE:
Two weeks ago whilst watching my son's school football game I found myself in a rather unusual dilemma. It was a rainy and old Saturday afternoon, The football pitch was muddy and getting muddier. Unexpected rain had soaked me through the first half. I was just sipping my home-made flask of tea when my son's coach asked if I'd referee the second half. I felt like I could do it (as I used to referee rugby back in the UK) and it was a casual game and my son's team were winning 4-0.

My 'Britishness' kicked in as I heard myself say, "er, well, ok, ... yes I can do that if you'd like". I drank the remainder of my tea, and looked at the muddy field, then looked down at my suede trainers and jeans. - hmmm I thought, this maybe wasn't a good idea.

Anyone that has played sports with me knows that communicating clearly in a loud voice (shouting lots) is not a problem for me, so that was fine. I had used a whistle before with authority and I knew that saying things with confidence is 75% of the trick. The only uncertainty (apart from wondering when I was going to fall on my arse) was going to be would I display any bias to my son's team. At 4-0 it was not likely, but as 4-3 and then 5-4 with 2 minutes to the end of the game, it was not so easy. I didn't want to make a decision that might influence the game and worry that my son's team mates would give my son a hard time if I made a controversial call that made influenced the result. I did give the opponents one last chance to attack after the end of  injury time, but fortunately they couldn't score.

This got me thinking about what other situations do parents find themselves in unexpectedly which relate to their kid's activities and social groups?

THE UNSPOKEN QUESTIONS:
Despite having no doubts about the benefits of my son being away for a significant period of time there have been some unspoken questions in my head like: Will my son forget me at all, a little, or entirely? How practical would skyping and 'whats ap' video calls be? How would I feel seeing my baby change via pictures and video only? I also wondered if he'd pick up a Colombian accent to his mumbled sounds after being exposed to weeks of Spanish.

As we enter the final stretch of time I'm happy to say that with being able to see my son most days via phone aps has been a really helpful way to share his experience. The time difference really does not help much here so having videos of him exploring his new environment and family has been wonderful to watch. He's also shown lots of signs of recognition when we attempt to chat video phone / computer.

What could have been a very difficult experience for me as a parent of a young child being so far away at a time when changes are happening has actually been a time full of positive experiences. I see my baby growing and learning to adapt to significant change.  I've been able to connect better and more frequently with child number one, I've been able to sleep well for a while which has improved my general functioning significantly, and I've been reminded that I'm more than a baby's personal cook, cleaner, washer, entertainer. so all's well that ends well. 

Regards from NZ

Where has the little ankle biter disappeared to now? Baby travel bonus & fantastic flying.

Ok so once again time has flown quicker than an episode of '24' on fast forward. The only difference is now I am baby-less. Don't worry nothing devastating has happened, it's just he's taken a little 36 hour flight to Colombia, South America to see his family there.

Please don't feel any pity for me, I mean yes I'm missing the boy, however I am also now able to sleep through the night, catch up with friends (if I can remember what they look like) and live in a house that does not look like it's been invaded by an nursery school! Parenting for the next 6 weeks however will not be disappearing off the agenda completely. I have a teenager who needs attending to and who deserves some quality time and attention too. I won't write so much about those aspects of parenting yet because unlike the baby, the teenager can read and hold me accountable to what I might say on here. ;)

So prior to international travel, caring for the baby has become a fairly constant routine, unfortunately this has included some sleep 'regression' or put more bluntly, the worst sleeping period of my life!

Baby is waking up every 2-4 hours almost each night, and whilst my body is becoming accustomed to this, the result is that by 2pm on some days my cognitive powers disappear and it feels as though I  become about as productive and useful as a chocolate tea pot! This has occurred at least once whilst I was driving for work, and I came close to getting my head down in the car for 30 minutes. (I didn't do that, but I did pull over and open all the windows). Whatever the reason (and believe me we have exhausted every potential cause from moon cycles to food cycles), the fact is that continuous broken sleep is a serious killer.

Even though I'm now recovering after a few night good sleep, I still can experience word-finding difficulties during some conversations. During work I am having to actively consider my work activities and try and put the most demanding tasks in the morning if possible to remain focused. I swear I was probably one more week of poor sleep away from looking for baby boarding schools... hmm I wonder if there is a gap in the market there??? I Must come back to that thought!

Other than depriving me and his mum, of any working cognitive skills post lunch, our little man has well and truly mastered the art of not just crawling, but crawling into spaces and places that you just don't want to a baby to go. I mean if there was a 100 meter squared room filled with fluffy teddy bears, colourful balls and just one potential dangerous item like a glass , I know with 100% certainty that the very moment you turned your back, the baby would have found the glass, smashed it and be trying to eat it faster than a sword swallowing magician!

Our little boy will crawl to any set of wires he sees, through any barricade we set up, if he thinks there is even the smallest chance he will fit through or underneath the chairs and tables. Yes it's initially cute until you realize you haven't quite baby-proofed the house to that degree yet. This will be my job for the next couple of weeks. Secure the house and move anything of potential danger to out of harms way. And when I say 'potential danger' I mean anything that will fit in his mouth and he can swallow... ANY-THING AT ALL!
Interestingly the TV remote control seems to hold particular interest for the baby, despite it making no sound and not lighting up. The baby also puts almost anything in his mouth and has developed a habit of crawling to any escaped individual sock, and stuffing it in his mouth. I'm starting to think I need to be more mindful of what may be on the TV when he's around as I think this sock-in-mouth behaviour could unhealthy, that or start washing our socks in marmite! lol.

I'm not sure how young I was when I first went on a plane. Maybe 7 or 8 years old I think? Well out little one got his first , second, third (& unplanned fourth) experience of this adventure at just 9 months old. I must admit I have usually been one of those passengers that on seeing a parent with a baby get on a plane -  give them a quick look of pity and start praying that they would not be coming to sit anywhere near me. So when I was carrying my little boy in my arms down the isle of the plane and receiving that very same look from almost every single seated passenger, I felt a sudden rush of guilt for my past thoughts.

Of course if you have a slightly sadistic streak you could enjoy sharing the sometimes burdening aspects of parenting with 200 people you have never met before, however that's not really my style.

Fortunately, having seen other people already work the baby seat belt attachment many years ago, I didn't look too foolish when I was trying to strap my little boy on to my own belt, but I must warn you it's not the easiest task in the world! As it turned out the little one was quite easy during the flight, taking a bottle on take off / landing and having a snack during a short 1 hour flight. To be honest anywhere there are people to play with he's usually quite happy.  There were some further dramas with cancelled flights and an unplanned overnight hotel, but eventually mum and baby made it to their destination and did so without any problems. I on the other hand, managed to get home and wash my passport... doh!


Being at the airport and being delayed by almost 24 hours for a trip that was already going to take about 30 hours was tough enough, but having the baby along definitely caused some extra headaches - did we have enough nappies? Was there enough clothes if they got dirty? Where was he going to sleep that night? Being a big believer in the human spirit and people's wish to be kind I decided to test this theory out a little... Whilst my wife was stuck towards the back of a queue of 200 angry people who were not helping the line move any faster by complaining to the poor check-in staff about the cancelled flight, I took my son in his trolley and went to the front of the 'Priority passengers lane' this is where I learned of the flight's cancellation and what offers were being made to passengers. Having a baby meant almost everyone in the queue wanted to say hello and told me what was going on. This allowed me to go the check-in, be really nice to the staff (who were just getting lots of angry faces) and ask if we could go the front of the queue. The staff took one look at my son and said "of course you can come in the priority lane". Thank you human spirit!

THE OCCUPATION BIT
So - to recap by Occupations: Crawling / walking, or shall we just say the occupation of movement oneself from place A to place B has given my little one no amount of pleasure, however the implications of independent movement has caused great worry and concerns to us parents. Having to reclassify what everyday items could be potentially dangerous and reorganize the home environment to be both stimulating (encouraging standing) and safe (hiding everything away) has impacted upon the whole family. Reminders are constant about not leaving random daily objects within baby's reach.

Sleep disturbance has reached new heights, and the impact on daily function, especially cognitively heavy tasks has been marked and significant. Having a limited cognitive capacity has meant greater consideration of where to focus cognitive energy is becoming more and more important. It's really a strange phenomenom for me.

Babies can be veichles / tools of great joy and engagement, especially in times of stress or strife. People (and I mean strangers) really do seem to lower any potential barrier down when you have a baby in your arms. I'm surprised no one has considered this and that the United Nations and world leaders aren't all given a baby to hold when trying to thrash out tough nuclear deals or climate change issues. I think their might be a lot more agreement if folks had small bundle of smiles in their arms.

Regards from NZ....
Dan

Where did the last 2 months go?

 I can't believe it's been over 2 months since I last wrote a blog post. It just shows you how your time is never really your own anymore once a baby enters your life. SERIOUSLY I MEAN IT, DON'T HAVE A KID UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO GIVE UP EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF YOUR DAY!

There have been many memorable events in these past two months, and lots of things I'd love to share here, my football team's recent performances being the most memorable and my own indoor football performance of two weeks ago, but that said, I'll talk about the baby related stuff instead.

Things like the baby eating sold food (messy), the forming of 'mama' and 'dada' words, (Heart-warming) and the beginnings of crawling (dangerous).. all quite significant milestones. But sod those things, as there’s much more fun stuff I want to talk about.

I had a week off, just 2 weeks ago. It was actually the first time I have had any time off work following my baby's birth (expect the first week of the baby's life which I had to take as unpaid leave - and that doesn't count as 'quality time'). Having a full week with my boy was something I was really excited about and a little scared too, as I'd be responsible for feeding the little poo monster.. and that was something I wasn't exactly sure about. I've never been a great fan of cooking and quite frankly preparing food for a baby is about as exciting for me and watching a plant grow!

This time would also provide me with the opportunity to go to a few baby / parent events (and there are shit loads of them here in Wellington) - many of them free! I had a choice of 4 or 5 Baby 'Rock & Ryhme' sessions at all the different libraries, Baby Movie time Wednesday morning session at the multiplex cinemas where they leave the lights up and you can take your baby and watch a movie without the entire audience wanting you to shut your baby up and #!**$!# leave... Then there were other baby play / story time events around the city, and possibly my favourite was at one of my favourite bars in this city... The Southern Cross Bar (Able Smith Street - not so shameless plug!) has some amazing community events. From 'free Salsa classes' to 'stitch & bitch' social knitting sessions, and free BBQ on weekends evenings to such family friendly events such as a monthly free puppet show!  But wait there's more... on Tuesday & Thursday mornings there are Free Massage for parents sessions from 10-12:30 where a member of staff (in this case the lovely Robyn) looks after your kid whilst you get a free massage. I kid you not... a free massage. Anyone that knows me, knows there aren't many thing I like more than a good massage.

So DAY ONE was mostly about survival... I took my wife's advice, (see Vibi I can do that sometimes), stayed at home and just prepared pureed food and soups for the baby with the most basic ingredients. I had supermarket-bought baby food packets on standby to manage any unexpected disasters.  The main thing I realised about feeding a baby (that was now sat upright in a high chair) was that babies like to play with their food. I get that, and hey yes I know it's part of the sensory development process. However, I found that actually, my compulsions to save 30 minutes of cleaning after feeding won out over letting the boy make a huge mess. He wasn't sure what was going on considering my wife lets him play lots with his food. Therefore, other than restraining the little bugger's arms in baby handcuffs, I tried every conceivable trick to keep the baby with his mouth open but away from his vice-like hand grip. He managed to fling a few spoons of food across the room onto the only bit on unstained carpet, and cover the nice cushion from the sofa (which was supporting him to sit up) in green mush. This was much worse if the tv was on and as he would try and turn around to watch the tv, he would use the cushion as a napkin!

Otherwise I think I won round one... Though on reflection, the extra time it took me to keep him clean probably outweighed the time it would have took to let him be messy and just clean up afterwards.  When the baby did win a round and smothered drops of food through his hands and face, I swear he looked at me directly in the eyes as if to say "hey, new feeder, I feed by osmosis so stop this obsessive compulsive clean crap or I will make you pay!"

After what I considered to be a victory in the dad corner, we got more adventurous on DAY TWO and hit the Baby 'Rock & Rhyme at the local library. Johnsonville library was the venue and after a quick 500 metre (full blown run if I'm honest) from the house to the library we arrived just in time to hear the first song starting.  My poor boy must have wondered what all the rushing about was for as we sat on a cushion at the back of a selected space in the library. There was probably the best part of 30 babies / parents in a smallish space with a woman sat the front with a screen showing the words to each song next to her. There were of course actions to accompany the words, and I figured this must be what the former members of steps were most likely doing now - as they loved songs with actions...

As I looked more closely around the room I noticed that my little boy looked a wee bit different than most of the other babies, (he is mixed ethnicity anyway so I am used to him standing out), but I realised he was almost the only non-Asian / mixed-race Asian baby there. This of course was not an issue, just a rather interesting observation. The woman at the front was now half singing / talking about how Incy-Wincy spider certainly prefers sunshine, but has apparent amnesia when the rain starts, and so we hummed along. The boy was more interested in the little 2 year-old Chinese girl sat next to him, to follow the movements of the song. Soon the 'Grand old duke of York' song popped on, and well, yes you can imagine what happens... when he (the grand old duke) was up (the hill) the babies are thrust into the air to see who might vomit first, and then when he (the grand old duke) was down (the hill), the babies were brought crashing towards the ground like a South island bungy jump gone wrong. This cycle continued for 5 minutes, and I jokingly thought it would be funny to ask my neighbour if they wanted to swap their little light Asian new born for my 9kg whopper to help improve muscle strength. (They didn't swap, and moved away from us quite quickly afterwards, I think something got lost in translation).

DAY THREE (Massage day!) By now I had the breakfast routine down to a rigid 30 minute routine and the baby was getting used to daddy's preferred clean-feeding routine. We dashed off to the city to check out the 'Parenting Group' at the Southern Cross bar in the city. The bar has many rooms but as a regular visitor I knew which of the private rooms would be hosting the group. There were a fair few women and babies in the room when I arrived and the massage chair set-up in the corner. Some of the women clearly knew each other and one or two appeared to be there by themselves like me. My boy was sleeping soundly on our arrival so I just got myself a drink (a cup of tea) and sat back and relaxed with my book. The room had good floor space (important for rolling / crawling babies) and there were a reasonable selections of toys of the floor. I could see a woman who seemed to be a member of staff and who explained that I needed to sign my name on the board if I wanted a massage. I didn't need a second invitation. The great thing with this group is that the staff member takes your baby whilst you get your rather excellent 10-15 minute massage. I'll be back!

 

After the massage I fed the baby and headed off to the waterfront in the car - which meant the baby got another good sleep in the car and I got to have a cheeky ice-cream by the beach. I was seriously enjoying this full-time parenting job by now! Free massages and an ice-cream in the sunshine by the ocean was bliss. 

DAY FOUR A non-emergency Doctor's appointment kicked the day off, which meant a few things... my military style morning routine was going to get another work out, another trip to the city, another waterfront walk and possibly another ice-cream. The sun was out and my little one was keen to explore so within 10 minutes of walking out of the doctor's surgery I was walking by the ocean, with a sleeping baby in the trolley. I was thinking how I could get very used to this indeed and so quickly thought about buying a lottery ticket. We stopped at a bar by the grass covered steps by the rowing club, which was surprisingly busy for a Friday morning. After more great fresh-air sleep for the baby and another 4-5 chapters of my book completed we moved on in search of ice-cream. The gelato place around the corner provided it and once again I was feeling relaxed and grateful for living in such a beautiful place that is so easy to get around. 

DAY FIVE (PLAY DATE) - my first play date loomed and I began wondering what was the etiquette of a play date? Are you supposed to bring toys to share? Can you be lazy and just use the hosting person's baby stuff? What if the babies don't get on? Fortunately I knew the couple that I was visiting were well practiced in such protocols. For us the benefit being the guests meant we could just take the basic things. Unsurprisingly my son was sleeping soundly on our arrival after another car journey. Cars are amazing places for babies to get to sleep.  My friends had a boy almost the same age as my boy so once my son woke up he was super excited to play with new toys and explore his surroundings. In particular my little boy seems to love pets, cats in particular (he is so like his dad), and it's great to see how he reacts to animals as we don't currently have any at home. My friend had the most placid and accepting cat, which was fortunate as my boy tried pulling several clumps of the cat's fur, and I mean handfuls of fur. Having managed to restrict the animal abuse we attempted to sit the boys a bit closer together. There was some mutual staring at each other before they tried to grab at each other which seemed friendly but ended in eye gouging and hair pulling. As we had no intention of staring a baby 'fight club' we kept the boys a little further apart for the rest of the time as they got used to the other's presence. Another fun hour passed and we managed to get through the rest of the play date without any damage to persons or property. I know you have very little control over your child's behaviour at such a young age, but it's funny how you do feel so responsible for their actions, especially when around other children.

AND THE REST... It was a great week with my son and I really appreciated the benefit of a few things:

1) Having an established morning routine for the baby

2) Having baby that enjoys being outside

3) Knowing a good walk or car ride would induce some sleep.

4) Slowing down and enjoying basic things like a nice walk, time to read a book and having ice-cream.

5) Being able to access so many free community groups and spend time with friends who are in a similar situation.

On a more reflective and serious note I really loved being the full-time carer for my son for this brief time. Whilst I'm glad that more and more dads are getting time off to be with their kids, it doesn't really happen enough. I've had to wait 8 months for this opportunity (because of our personal circumstances) and I don't want to wait another 8 months for the next time. I was pretty proud of myself too for not only coping well with the challenges of caring for a baby full-time, but also for being able to share lots of fun times with my little one and actually have the chance to see how he grows and develops day to day and week to week.

Often with working full-time, disturbed sleep, other family responsibilities and other general life stuff it feels like I am usually operating at a maximum of 75% energy at best. So to be able to actually stop, sit down and have time with the baby when I was feeling refreshed and full of energy was awesome. Bring on the next bit of time off!

Regards from New Zealand.