So welcome to this new blog. This blog will be a little different from the others and won't have as much of an Occupational Therapy focus (well not exactly), though it will reflect on the occupation of being a parent. This blog will be about the journey from my previous life to the one that's now dominating my every waking moment. Having kids & the idea that soon I'll be the parent of a brand new little version of me!
Don't worry this will definitely not be one of those " I did it for my kid so they chronicle their life when they are older" - or to share every minute detail of their development. This is hopefully a blog about the journey into the unknown - the 'ultimate occupation' of parenting and how it drives our daily lives. I'm hopeful that other prospective dads will also realise that they are not alone in having some thoughts that they might not always think about sharing with their mates for fear of laughter...
For those of you that know me well you'll know that I am a person who has generally always had a child-free existence and pretty much has enjoyed all the advantages of not having kids in my life - unlimited travel, random adventures, being able to leave the house within 30 minutes of waking up, & eating out at any restaurant you wish to go to... - you know, the great things about adult life that you totally take for granted. You'd also know that I'm an active person, who is quite happy doing different things most evenings with different groups of people.
So you might start to wonder - Dan, how are you going to manage with a baby? This is the question I've been contemplating with more frequency as the birth gets closer. Obviously, I'm fortunate that I'm in a loving relationship and have a great partner who just loves kids, and in case you are wondering - yes I planned to have a child, but the change that has already started to affect my life has got me wondering how I can merge the two colliding worlds together... How hard could it be right?
Funny pictures like the one below, have given me some great ideas for having fun as parent and it's definitely my sense of humour...
I love the idea of teaching kids - if my partner or close friends were telling this story they'd probably say - "Dan you love the idea of conducting your own social experiments and conditioning techniques on your child" - and they'd probably be right! I love the psychological ideas about behaviour and social conditioning - and now I'll have a willing participant - though obtaining informed consent may be a tricky legal issue - and I use the term 'willing participant' very loosely.
Obviously these are all pre-baby thoughts, and they may change with time, but some 'starter for ten' ideas include - teaching the game - Reverse treasure hunt (known to adults as cleaning up the mess) - this is where you play a 'game' that encourages your child to put away all their toys as quickly as possible after playing!- It can work right?
Or, Santa's nice/naughty list - dressing up as Santa any time between February - November holding the naughty/nice list with your child's name on it - to encourage them to stop doing bad behaviours / carry on doing good behaviours.
BONDING / PLAYING WITH A BABY:
From a pre-birth point of view, this is probably not my strong point. I'm not really a baby fan, they don't really do anything of great interest and I'm terrified I'll drop someone's baby if they give it to me to hold... obviously I expect I will feel differently about my own baby - and I will try not to ask anybody if they think my baby is beautiful, as I'm always feeling awkward when the parents of an ugly baby ask me that very question.
The internet is a wonderful thing and I've been able to find some useful instructions below on how to deal with a new born...
Bonding with the new born is something that scares me quite a bit and sometimes I think up all sorts of silly ideas about how we can bond over football and games - even at the early stages.... fortunately these guides are helping me lots!
Armed with this kind of helpful information I think I've got the first few weeks pretty nailed...
With just a few weeks to go we have entered the world of anti-natal classes. Yes I was skeptical about going around and sitting down with a bunch of unknown, young first time parents, and role-playing birthing scenes....
Fortunately, it's been nothing like that at all... Everyone in the class seems totally normal (well as normal as Wellington / NZ gets) and the information we have been given so far is really helpful and nothing at all like they show in the silly Hollywood movies. The best thing I have learned so far is that as a partner - if you look like you may faint - you might end up getting a free cup of tea, and maybe even a piece of toast! (Though I don't think that was the moral of the story the lady was trying to identify).
There's been lots of labor type information and I really had no idea that they expect you to spend the majority of the labor at home... I'm glad we live close to the hospital! The fastest way we could get to the hospital is via a Paknsave supermarket trolley rolling down the hill - it's probably cheaper and quicker than a taxi anyway! Plus if the waters break it will just clean the road. Getting out of the trolley at the hospital end might be tricky though - perhaps I need to think this idea through a but more....
THE OCCUPATION BIT...
The baby hasn't even arrived and yet it has taken over many aspects of my life. More people ask me how is the baby, and how is your partner? than they ask about myself? It's as if there is some social convention that dictates that when people know you are pregnant - everything else gets forgotten about - and you are expected to suddenly having a purpose outside of 'baby provider'. Other people often seem to project their expectation onto you through words and language an seem surprised when I sometimes give a blunt or unconventional response to their question. Also I have found when I'm really honest and say - "well actually I'm not all that excited yet" (because actually in my life I usually only get really excited about stuff when it is happening) - people often use compensatory language to almost comfort me - and say "oh you'll get there" and "oh it's ok" - as though I have not reached a point that they think I should have reached...
Yes of course a few of my old occupations have changed because my partner needs increasing support, money needs to be saved and diverted, and of course time ceases to become your friend and you slowly realise that a baby needs a few more things than a cot, nappies and some clothes. Still, I need to cling onto just one or two of the occupations that remind me I am a little more than a baby provider / protector and a parent to be... I wonder how long this thinking will last?
Thanks for reading!
Dad to be...
