Is parenting always worth it?
On the way back from my indoor football tonight, one of my football team, who is also a parent of a young child, used an analogy about parenting that I really wanted to share with you on this blog. My friend said; "Being a parent is like being a chef who is trying to impress people that are not hungry..." I thought it was a really great analogy given the context of the conversation we were having. I'd be interested to hear other people's analogies of parenting.
My friend also said, "your life is no longer judged by your own milestones". This really got me thinking, especially as people do often ask about my baby's developmental milestones, but it has been a long time since anyone asked me about my own goals and milestones.
On the way back from my indoor football tonight, one of my football team, who is also a parent of a young child, used an analogy about parenting that I really wanted to share with you on this blog. My friend said; "Being a parent is like being a chef who is trying to impress people that are not hungry..." I thought it was a really great analogy given the context of the conversation we were having. I'd be interested to hear other people's analogies of parenting.
My friend also said, "your life is no longer judged by your own milestones". This really got me thinking, especially as people do often ask about my baby's developmental milestones, but it has been a long time since anyone asked me about my own goals and milestones.
The context of the conversation was about the often unspoken "honest" thoughts of parenting the thoughts that you might not feel able to share in a mainstream social setting, for fear of feeling judged negatively. There seems to be a prominent thought and expectation that parenting SHOULD BE a universally positive experience and that the 'PROS SHOULD ALWAYS OUTWEIGH THE CONS'.
This really got me thinking about an article I recently read, (I think on the BBC website), that discussed the feelings of some parents who discussed the somewhat taboo subject of having said they probably felt the change of becoming a parent had more negative impacts on their life than positive impacts. Some people stated they simply felt the benefits of having children did not outweigh the sacrifices they had made, some people felt the change in their relationship with their partner had been ruined, and some people felt there had been ups and downs, but the cost to their own hopes and dreams had been too much to find the decision to be parents to be a good one. Some parents went as far to say and that if they had the chance to repeat their life they wouldn't have children again. That's some real honesty there eh!
I am not saying that I share that viewpoint, but I did think that there are probably many more people out there who may have strong opinions about how having kids changed their lives. Obviously there are a number of personal, cultural and philosophical aspects that would impacts on a person's judgement about the worth of having kids. Aspects such as a person's belief about the purpose of life and religion would factor in pretty heavily to a person's reflection I imagine. If there are parents out there who may read this blog, and have any strong thoughts on the subject I'd be interested to hear from you.
Swimming Trips & Poonamis!
On a more cheery note, the parenting experience rolls into it's fourth month and if I'm really honest it's been my favorite month by a long way. The main reason has been that as the baby's routine continues to improve and he's got a lot more interesting to spend time with. Time with my kid now feels a bit more fun and less like a series of chores. Yes I still have to change nappies, feed and soothe him, but as he is now alert, we can play little games and I've even taken him swimming.
Fortunately I not only bought a reusable swimming nappy (which is basically a pair of mini-swimming shorts), I also bought him a little swimming suit. This decision proved to be a masterstroke, because after a good 30-40 minutes in the pool, he was still floating around and checking out the Lifeguard, when I felt a significant ripple of pressure near his bottom! My mind quickly flashed with images of a Lifeguard blowing a whistle and people running and screaming as a Poonami / Code Brown alert was called.
Fortunately I not only bought a reusable swimming nappy (which is basically a pair of mini-swimming shorts), I also bought him a little swimming suit. This decision proved to be a masterstroke, because after a good 30-40 minutes in the pool, he was still floating around and checking out the Lifeguard, when I felt a significant ripple of pressure near his bottom! My mind quickly flashed with images of a Lifeguard blowing a whistle and people running and screaming as a Poonami / Code Brown alert was called.
Searching for a Nursery....
I always thought that people who fretted about leaving their dogs in kennels when they go on holiday were a little bit precious. That was until recently when we started the process of just thinking about, maybe, possibly, putting our little baby in a day-care place on a day that we are both working. Well, let me just say that it is not just as simple as finding somewhere that has a free space! High-School level algebra exams, University Challenge questions and drunken games of trivial pursuits 'mastermind edition' are all examples of easier things to do than finding 'the right' place to leave your child.
Not only do you have to factor in what kind of philosophy the child-care place has, but what sensory stimulation resources do they have, how do they define 'free-play', how many kids are mixed together and with what abilities; - it's so complicated. AND... given the fact that we do live in a litigious world, there are records of what your child likes, doesn't like, when they sleep, eat need a nappy change... my eyes have been opened and I'll definitely discuss this more in the next post!
THE OCCUPATION BIT
So now after four months I do feel that there are more opportunities to 're-engage' with non-child related activities. This has been dependent on the sharing of parental duties, and the support of visiting family. For me personally, the biggest positive change in the last month has been the opportunity to do some regular (ish) exercise. The fact that the baby has more regulated routines, definitely helps, with how we plan the inclusion of those activities and occupations which we can call 'non-essential' tasks - or, as most people know it as - LEISURE TIME...
Our 'family time' is still punctured with various baby-related activity like swimming with the ante-natal group, visiting friends and somewhat ironically - lots of baby showers. Our non-work schedules are remain very focused around the child's feeding times and sleeping routines, (which is probably the biggest challenge for me right now. I have an ingrained sense of punctuality and no matter the circumstances I feel bad about arriving 'late' to places. I have spent most of my adult life arriving on time of more often than that a little early so I wouldn't have people waiting for me. Now I 'm lucky if I arrive anywhere (with or without the baby) within an hour of when I said I would be there. That said, these activities (occupations) serve a valuable purpose in ensuring we remain part of the wider community and bigger world - than the confines of our home.
Post-birth, it seems to me that most people in my life now see me as being primarily a parent above all other roles, rather than a person (who happens to have a child). This is a feeling that doesn't sit naturally with me at this moment as I don't necessarily see my role as a parent as the role that I attach the most value to, or that I get the greatest pleasure from. I do however see the parent role as the role that takes up most of my time! ....and for me that's a big difference. Of course that's the beauty of the human condition - people may experience the same process, but they can experience it in many different ways. :)
THE OCCUPATION BIT
So now after four months I do feel that there are more opportunities to 're-engage' with non-child related activities. This has been dependent on the sharing of parental duties, and the support of visiting family. For me personally, the biggest positive change in the last month has been the opportunity to do some regular (ish) exercise. The fact that the baby has more regulated routines, definitely helps, with how we plan the inclusion of those activities and occupations which we can call 'non-essential' tasks - or, as most people know it as - LEISURE TIME...
Our 'family time' is still punctured with various baby-related activity like swimming with the ante-natal group, visiting friends and somewhat ironically - lots of baby showers. Our non-work schedules are remain very focused around the child's feeding times and sleeping routines, (which is probably the biggest challenge for me right now. I have an ingrained sense of punctuality and no matter the circumstances I feel bad about arriving 'late' to places. I have spent most of my adult life arriving on time of more often than that a little early so I wouldn't have people waiting for me. Now I 'm lucky if I arrive anywhere (with or without the baby) within an hour of when I said I would be there. That said, these activities (occupations) serve a valuable purpose in ensuring we remain part of the wider community and bigger world - than the confines of our home.
Post-birth, it seems to me that most people in my life now see me as being primarily a parent above all other roles, rather than a person (who happens to have a child). This is a feeling that doesn't sit naturally with me at this moment as I don't necessarily see my role as a parent as the role that I attach the most value to, or that I get the greatest pleasure from. I do however see the parent role as the role that takes up most of my time! ....and for me that's a big difference. Of course that's the beauty of the human condition - people may experience the same process, but they can experience it in many different ways. :)
