I can't believe it's been over 2 months since I last wrote a blog
post. It just shows you how your time is never really your own anymore once a
baby enters your life. SERIOUSLY I MEAN IT, DON'T HAVE A KID UNTIL YOU ARE READY
TO GIVE UP EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF YOUR DAY!
There have been many memorable
events in these past two months, and lots of things I'd love to share here, my
football team's recent performances being the most memorable and my own indoor
football performance of two weeks ago, but that said, I'll talk about the baby
related stuff instead.
Things like the baby eating sold food (messy), the forming of 'mama' and
'dada' words, (Heart-warming) and the beginnings of crawling (dangerous).. all
quite significant milestones. But sod those things, as there’s much more fun
stuff I want to talk about.
I had a week off, just 2 weeks ago. It was actually the first time I have
had any time off work following my baby's birth (expect the first week of the
baby's life which I had to take as unpaid leave - and that doesn't count as
'quality time'). Having a full week with my boy was something I was really
excited about and a little scared too, as I'd be responsible for feeding the
little poo monster.. and that was something I wasn't exactly sure about. I've never
been a great fan of cooking and quite frankly preparing food for a baby is
about as exciting for me and watching a plant grow!
This time would also
provide me with the opportunity to go to a few baby / parent events (and there
are shit loads of them here in Wellington) - many of them free! I had a choice
of 4 or 5 Baby 'Rock & Ryhme' sessions at all the different
libraries, Baby Movie time Wednesday morning session at the
multiplex cinemas where they leave the lights up and you can take your baby and
watch a movie without the entire audience wanting you to shut your baby up and
#!**$!# leave... Then there were other baby play / story time events
around the city, and possibly my favourite was at one of my favourite bars in
this city... The Southern Cross Bar (Able Smith Street - not so shameless
plug!) has some amazing community events. From 'free Salsa classes' to 'stitch
& bitch' social knitting sessions, and free BBQ on weekends evenings to
such family friendly events such as a monthly free puppet show!
But wait there's more... on Tuesday & Thursday mornings there are Free
Massage for parents sessions from 10-12:30 where a member of staff (in
this case the lovely Robyn) looks after your kid whilst you get a free massage.
I kid you not... a free massage. Anyone that knows me, knows there aren't many
thing I like more than a good massage.
So DAY ONE was mostly about survival... I took my wife's
advice, (see Vibi I can do that sometimes), stayed at home and just prepared
pureed food and soups for the baby with the most basic ingredients. I had supermarket-bought
baby food packets on standby to manage any unexpected disasters. The main thing I realised
about feeding a baby (that was now sat upright in a high chair) was that babies
like to play with their food. I get that, and hey yes I know it's part of the
sensory development process. However, I found that actually, my compulsions to
save 30 minutes of cleaning after feeding won out over letting the boy make a
huge mess. He wasn't sure what was going on considering my wife lets him play lots with his food. Therefore, other than restraining the little bugger's arms
in baby handcuffs, I tried every conceivable trick to keep the baby with his
mouth open but away from his vice-like hand grip. He managed to fling a few
spoons of food across the room onto the only bit on unstained carpet, and cover
the nice cushion from the sofa (which was supporting him to sit up) in green
mush. This was much worse if the tv was on and as he would try and turn around to watch the tv, he would use the cushion as a napkin!
Otherwise I think I won round one... Though on reflection, the extra time
it took me to keep him clean probably outweighed the time it would have took to
let him be messy and just clean up afterwards. When the baby did win a
round and smothered drops of food through his hands and face, I swear he
looked at me directly in the eyes as if to say "hey, new feeder, I feed by
osmosis so stop this obsessive compulsive clean crap or I will make you
pay!"
After what I considered to be a victory in the dad corner, we got more
adventurous on DAY TWO and hit the Baby 'Rock & Rhyme
at the local library. Johnsonville library was the venue and after a quick 500
metre (full blown run if I'm honest) from the house to the library we arrived
just in time to hear the first song starting. My poor boy must have
wondered what all the rushing about was for as we sat on a cushion at the back
of a selected space in the library. There was probably the best part of 30
babies / parents in a smallish space with a woman sat the front with a screen
showing the words to each song next to her. There were of course actions to
accompany the words, and I figured this must be what the former members of
steps were most likely doing now - as they loved songs with actions...
As I looked more closely around the room I noticed that my little boy looked
a wee bit different than most of the other babies, (he is mixed ethnicity
anyway so I am used to him standing out), but I realised he was almost the only
non-Asian / mixed-race Asian baby there. This of course was not an issue, just
a rather interesting observation. The woman at the front was now half singing /
talking about how Incy-Wincy spider certainly prefers sunshine, but has apparent amnesia when the rain starts, and so we hummed along. The boy was more
interested in the little 2 year-old Chinese girl sat next to him, to follow the
movements of the song. Soon the 'Grand old duke of York' song popped on, and well, yes you
can imagine what happens... when he (the grand old duke) was up (the hill) the
babies are thrust into the air to see who might vomit first, and then when he
(the grand old duke) was down (the hill), the babies were brought crashing
towards the ground like a South island bungy jump gone wrong. This cycle
continued for 5 minutes, and I jokingly thought it would be funny to ask my
neighbour if they wanted to swap their little light Asian new born for my 9kg
whopper to help improve muscle strength. (They didn't swap, and moved away from
us quite quickly afterwards, I think something got lost in translation).
DAY THREE (Massage day!) By now I had the breakfast routine
down to a rigid 30 minute routine and the baby was getting used to daddy's
preferred clean-feeding routine. We dashed off to the city to check out the
'Parenting Group' at the Southern Cross bar in the city. The bar has many rooms
but as a regular visitor I knew which of the private rooms would be hosting the
group. There were a fair few women and babies in the room when I arrived and
the massage chair set-up in the corner. Some of the women clearly knew each
other and one or two appeared to be there by themselves like me. My boy was
sleeping soundly on our arrival so I just got myself a drink (a cup of tea) and
sat back and relaxed with my book. The room had good floor space (important for
rolling / crawling babies) and there were a reasonable selections of toys of
the floor. I could see a woman who seemed to be a member of staff and who
explained that I needed to sign my name on the board if I wanted a massage. I
didn't need a second invitation. The great thing with this group is that the staff
member takes your baby whilst you get your rather excellent 10-15 minute
massage. I'll be back!
After the massage I fed the baby and headed off to the waterfront in the car
- which meant the baby got another good sleep in the car and I got to have a cheeky
ice-cream by the beach. I was seriously enjoying this full-time parenting job
by now! Free massages and an ice-cream in the sunshine by the ocean was
bliss.
DAY FOUR A non-emergency Doctor's appointment kicked the
day off, which meant a few things... my military style morning routine was
going to get another work out, another trip to the city, another waterfront
walk and possibly another ice-cream. The sun was out and my little one was keen
to explore so within 10 minutes of walking out of the doctor's surgery I was
walking by the ocean, with a sleeping baby in the trolley. I was thinking how I
could get very used to this indeed and so quickly thought about buying a
lottery ticket. We stopped at a bar by the grass covered steps by the rowing
club, which was surprisingly busy for a Friday morning. After more great
fresh-air sleep for the baby and another 4-5 chapters of my book completed we
moved on in search of ice-cream. The gelato place around the corner provided
it and once again I was feeling relaxed and grateful for living in such a
beautiful place that is so easy to get around.
DAY FIVE (PLAY DATE) - my first play date loomed and I began
wondering what was the etiquette of a play date? Are you supposed to bring toys
to share? Can you be lazy and just use the hosting person's baby stuff? What if
the babies don't get on? Fortunately I knew the couple that I was visiting were
well practiced in such protocols. For us the benefit being the guests meant we
could just take the basic things. Unsurprisingly my son was sleeping soundly on
our arrival after another car journey. Cars are amazing places for babies to
get to sleep. My friends had a boy almost the same age as my boy so once
my son woke up he was super excited to play with new toys and explore his
surroundings. In particular my little boy seems to love pets, cats in
particular (he is so like his dad), and it's great to see how he reacts to
animals as we don't currently have any at home. My friend had the most placid
and accepting cat, which was fortunate as my boy tried pulling several clumps
of the cat's fur, and I mean handfuls of fur. Having managed to restrict the animal abuse we attempted to sit the boys a bit closer
together. There was some mutual staring at each other before they tried to grab
at each other which seemed friendly but ended in eye gouging and hair pulling.
As we had no intention of staring a baby 'fight club' we kept the boys a little
further apart for the rest of the time as they got used to the other's presence. Another fun hour passed and we managed
to get through the rest of the play date without any damage to persons or
property. I know you have very little control over your child's behaviour at
such a young age, but it's funny how you do feel so responsible for their
actions, especially when around other children.
AND THE REST... It was a great week with my son and I really
appreciated the benefit of a few things:
1) Having an established morning routine for the baby
2) Having baby that enjoys being outside
3) Knowing a good walk or car ride would induce some sleep.
4) Slowing down and enjoying basic things like a nice walk, time to read a
book and having ice-cream.
5) Being able to access so many free community groups and spend time with
friends who are in a similar situation.
On a more reflective and serious note I really loved being the full-time
carer for my son for this brief time. Whilst I'm glad that more and more dads
are getting time off to be with their kids, it doesn't really happen enough.
I've had to wait 8 months for this opportunity (because of our personal
circumstances) and I don't want to wait another 8 months for the next time. I
was pretty proud of myself too for not only coping well with the challenges of
caring for a baby full-time, but also for being able to share lots of fun times
with my little one and actually have the chance to see how he grows and develops day to day and week to week.
Often with working full-time, disturbed sleep, other family responsibilities
and other general life stuff it feels like I am usually operating at a maximum
of 75% energy at best. So to be able to actually stop, sit down and have time with the
baby when I was feeling refreshed and full of energy was awesome. Bring on the next bit of time off!
Regards from New Zealand.
