It's late on a Sunday night & the beginning of the end!

Hi Everyone,

Less than two weeks to go before the big day. Two bloody weeks! Yes it's definitely time to accept that there is no escaping the idea of my very own baby being here soon. I say 'my baby' but of course I mean our baby. Though as it was pointed out to me tonight - my partner has the dominant traits (dark, hair, ark eyes, dark skin) - so it's unlikely that the baby might look like me at all!  Of course I'm going down the denial route....

I found some more great instructional pictures too, so I'll add a couple more here to break up my waffling on...

And one of my favorite tips....

It was the last night of our antenatal class tonight, which I have to say has been brilliant and I'm not just saying that because I told the course leaders about this blog. Everyone in the group is lovely, down to earth and obviously going through the same kind of experience as we are.  Many of the group are also in a similar situation to us and don't have lots of close family close by. I must say though, the focus on the after-birth has been so useful and full of practical ideas about how best to get through those first few weeks of life with a baby - I'd recommend those classes for that reason alone. Though the weekly supper isn't a bad reason either. Having dedicated time each week to think properly about planning things and hear from people that have just been through the experience has been awesome. Having two engaging and hilarious facilitators has just been the icing on the cake! 

Now anyone that knows me well will know how much I love a good massage, well believe it or not there's a whole big thing about baby massage - here's a helpful photo below!

I have not really felt particularly paternal yet, which has been a little surprising as I imagined I would get a lot more involved with talking to the baby whilst he's still cooking in my partner's tummy. There have been times when I've felt a little bit bad, guilty even, but having spoke with a few dads I know it's not an uncommon things before the baby actually arrives. So I have tried to think how I can make up for that when the baby arrives. I came across a brilliant website full of ideas of how to have fun with a baby (especially when the mum is away...)

....and I'm all for some fancy dress parties when they get a little older...

But my favorite so far has to be....

The Occupation Bit....
As discussed in the first post - the number of conversations about your upcoming baby, and the level of detail you start to share with others changes. I've found myself and others (most often in the antenatal class but not always) sharing quite personal things about their partner's body, or plans for birth. Conversations with most friends and family continue to to baby focused, or certainly start with baby- related questions. Weekend plans are now determined by how far away from home we can go, or activities can my partner safely navigate. Basically 85-90% of my week has a baby focus, and I'm really grateful for the 10-15% of my week where I can still hang out with people / do something (like play football) where people are not seeing me mainly as a dad-to-be, but just Dan...
The ultimate occupational change is about to hit us as a family very soon. I'm feeling ready - well as ready as a guy can be. Lets see if I am still saying that in 2 weeks time.

A Dad to be...

Post 2 - Alternative Baby Showers & D-Day getting closer....

Hello everybody, 

Thanks for the comments from last week's post. It's funny how once you start sharing some of your personal thoughts and fears, other people seem to feel comfortable to start doing the same back. I've had a few people mention their own thoughts about having a kid and the changes (both good and bad) that it has brought to their lives.

BABY SHOWERS:

The most significant events since the last post have been two baby showers, which we held in our humble yet small home. This required some serious logistical planning as we have just 5 available seats, 3 large plates, 4 mugs and 3 glasses - fortunately I have a good OT brain for problem solving and more importantly I have amazing friends who supplied us with extra chairs. I knew this was an important event for my partner, but it wasn't something I had been particularly excited about. Having never been to a baby shower, I had little idea of what it was all about. That was until we decided that we'd have a kind of alternative baby shower event for my mates. Having more Co-ed games meant we could have a bit more adult fun. 

Linus' home made baby biscuits were awesome and they even had the appropriate male & female anatomy:

We've all heard of 'pin the tail on the donkey', well this is the baby shower version!

Not every one got this close and there were plenty of laughs at this game. We also played the classic: who can identify the baby food??

After a baby quiz, there was a more sedate activity of writing a nice / funny message on a nappy (to surprise the parents when they use the nappy in several weeks time). A surprisingly fun game included the drawing of a picture of a baby on a plate, whilst the plate is on your head...

The party ended with a game of 'Cards Against Humanity' - which for anyone who that game, is not the kind of thing that you'd normally find at a baby shower.

I have to admit the second (and more traditional) baby shower had some of the same games including baby Pictionary - which ended is serious confusion as it was conducted in both English & Spanish simultaneously. The tone of the humour was very different but both days were full of laughter with big piles of food, drink & dishes, which is always the sign of a good social event! Once again the generosity of people who do not know my partner very was, was truly humbling and overwhelming.

AND THE REST...

We got a bit of a shock at the anti-natal class this week as one of the couples already had given birth (albeit very early), but it really had me thinking 'oh shit' this could happen any time now! So I revisited the great instructional manual I referenced quite a bit in last week's blog...

I'm finding these instruction manuals very informative, and to be honest they reflect some of my funny inner thoughts when I think about having a baby around in my daily life - in just a few short weeks.

The anti-natal classes have now started to focus more on parenting skills than the act of giving birth, and I think the women in the class are probably just as relieved as I am about that. Not only because there is only so much really want to hear about your body trying shove out a large melon, but also as the partner's know that there isn't much you can do whilst your partner goes through one of life's most painful experiences and you have to hear your partner create sounds more often heard in a zoo. All this while you are supposed to smile and nod and say "it's going to be alright"... I mean women don't believe men about how bad 'man flu' so I doubt I'll be believed that popping out a baby will be 'alright after a few pushes and pregnancy pain is positive pain'....

The thing I think I'm most looking forward to about parenting is seeing the social development of a child and actually being an active part of the conditioning 'growing up' process. I like to think that I can have some fun (in a socially responsible way of course), with such great examples like the one below.

I'm quite aware of the importance of attachment (physical & emotional attachment) and having worked with a brilliant OT in my last job who shared her work based on Attachment Theory, and how it can impact on individuals right through their lives especially with forming social relationships. So just ensuring a baby is well cared for in the early weeks and months will be the main focus for us.

That said, I like to be creative and have seen some brilliant examples of creative parenting....   

Needless to say I'm looking forward to creating some momentous parenting moments. Not just punishments and good lessons, but fun and creative stuff like the kitchen dwelling dinosaur who creates chaos every night (a great way to get kids up in the morning and into the kitchen to eat breakfast)....

Let the fun commence!

Dan

A shift in mind-set and things that a prospective Dad really thinks about...

So welcome to this new blog. This blog will be a little different from the others and won't have as much of an Occupational Therapy focus (well not exactly), though it will reflect on the occupation of being a parent. This blog will be about the journey from my previous life to the one that's now dominating my every waking moment. Having kids & the idea  that soon I'll be the parent of a brand new little version of me! 

Don't worry this will definitely not be one of those " I did it for my kid so they chronicle their life when they are older" - or to share every minute detail of their development. This is hopefully a blog about the journey into the unknown - the 'ultimate occupation' of parenting and how it drives our daily lives. I'm hopeful that other prospective dads will also realise that they are not alone in having some thoughts that they might not always think about sharing with their mates for fear of laughter...

For those of you that know me well you'll know that I am a person who has generally always had a child-free existence and pretty much has enjoyed all the advantages of not having kids in my life - unlimited travel, random adventures, being able to leave the house within 30 minutes of waking up, & eating out at any restaurant you wish to go to... - you know, the great things about adult life that you totally take for granted. You'd also know that I'm an active person, who is quite happy doing different things most evenings with different groups of people. 

So you might start to wonder - Dan, how are you going to manage with a baby? This is the question I've been contemplating with more frequency as the birth gets closer. Obviously, I'm fortunate that I'm in a loving relationship and have a great partner who just loves kids, and in case you are wondering  - yes I planned to have a child, but the change that has already started to affect my life has got me wondering how I can merge the two colliding worlds together... How hard could it be right?

Funny pictures like the one below, have given me some great ideas for having fun as parent and it's definitely my sense of humour...

I love the idea of teaching kids - if my partner or close friends were telling this story they'd probably say - "Dan you love the idea of conducting your own social experiments and conditioning techniques on your child" - and they'd probably be right! I love the psychological ideas about behaviour and social conditioning - and now I'll have a willing participant - though obtaining informed consent may be a tricky legal issue - and I use the term 'willing participant' very loosely.

Obviously these are all pre-baby thoughts, and they may change with time, but some 'starter for ten' ideas include - teaching the game - Reverse treasure hunt (known to adults as cleaning up the mess) - this is where you play a 'game' that encourages your child to put away all their toys as quickly as possible after playing!- It can work right?

Or, Santa's nice/naughty list - dressing up as Santa any time between February - November holding the naughty/nice list with your child's name on it - to encourage them to stop doing bad behaviours / carry on doing good behaviours.

BONDING / PLAYING WITH A BABY:

From a pre-birth point of view, this is probably not my strong point. I'm not really a baby fan, they don't really do anything of great interest and I'm terrified I'll drop someone's baby if they give it to me to hold... obviously I  expect I will feel differently about my own baby - and I will try not to ask anybody if they think my baby is beautiful, as I'm always feeling awkward when the parents of an ugly baby ask me that very question.

The internet is a wonderful thing and I've been able to find some useful instructions below on how to deal with a new born...

Bonding with the new born is something that scares me quite a bit and sometimes I think up all sorts of silly ideas about how we can bond over football and games - even at the early stages.... fortunately these guides are helping me lots!

 

Armed with this kind of helpful information I think I've got the first few weeks pretty nailed...

With just a few weeks to go we have entered the world of anti-natal classes. Yes I was skeptical about going around and sitting down with a bunch of unknown, young first time parents, and role-playing birthing scenes....

Fortunately, it's been nothing like that at all... Everyone in the class seems totally normal (well as normal as Wellington / NZ gets) and the information we have been given so far is really helpful and nothing at all like they show in the silly Hollywood movies. The best thing I have learned so far is that as a partner - if you look like you may faint - you might end up getting a free cup of tea, and maybe even a piece of toast! (Though I don't think that was the moral of the story the lady was trying to identify).

There's been lots of labor type information and I really had no idea that they expect you to spend the majority of the labor at home... I'm glad we live close to the hospital! The fastest way we could get to the hospital is via a Paknsave supermarket trolley rolling down the hill - it's probably cheaper and quicker than a taxi anyway! Plus if the waters break it will just clean the road. Getting out of the trolley at the hospital end might be tricky though - perhaps I need to think this idea through a but more....

THE OCCUPATION BIT...

The baby hasn't even arrived and yet it has taken over many aspects of my life. More people ask me how is the baby, and how is your partner? than they ask about myself? It's as if there is some social convention that dictates that when people know you are pregnant - everything else gets forgotten about - and you are expected to suddenly having a purpose outside of 'baby provider'. Other people often seem to project their expectation onto you through words and language an seem surprised when I sometimes give a blunt or unconventional response to their question. Also I have found when I'm really honest and say - "well actually I'm not all that excited yet" (because actually in my life I usually only get really excited about stuff when it is happening) - people often use compensatory language to almost comfort me - and say "oh you'll get there" and "oh it's ok" - as though I have not reached a point that they think I should have reached...

Yes of course a few of my old occupations have changed because my partner needs increasing support, money needs to be saved and diverted, and of course time ceases to become your friend and you slowly realise that a baby needs a few more things than a cot, nappies and some clothes. Still, I need to cling onto just one or two of the occupations that remind me I am a little more than a baby provider / protector and a parent to be... I wonder how long this thinking will last?

Thanks for reading! 

Dad to be...