Month 5 & Christmas with a baby...

Hi Everybody,

Month Five has included some big changes for everybody. The baby gets bigger and heavier to carry - so the arrival of a baby-carrier has been really brilliant! Of course as with any new 'toy' you need to have a little guidance on how to use it!

Using the baby carrier is something we now wished we had done from the very beginning as being able to use your hands and arms whilst carrying the baby at the same time is a bloody useful thing to be able to do. I took the baby out in the carrier and found that he took time to settle, and he only settled after some extreme finger-sucking got him to relax enough for him to sleep in it.  

CHRISTMAS WITH A BABY

Christmas has also come and gone with a house move thrown in for good measure! I tell you, in the past 18 months I have ticked at least 4 out of the top 10 items on the 'life's most stressful events' list with moving countries, getting married, having a baby & becoming a parent, moving house and then some!!! I think I need a holiday!

Christmas time itself was certainly very different and had a different dynamic to it with a baby around the place. My first instincts were 'there's no point in doing much for the baby - as he is 4 months old and won't remember any of it anyway! Plus I didn't want to waste money on presents for a baby, when to be honest, he'd be just as happy with only the wrapping paper if it is colourful and crunchy...

Whilst I was right about the colourful & crunchy wrapping paper being the best present for a baby, I was surprised about how much he liked to see the Christmas tree lights, how much he liked to try and grab the tree, and how much he liked to watch things go on around him. One really big thing I have learned form this first Christmas is to appreciate the simple things. Yes I can be a little 'careful' with money as those of you who know me well may tease me about, but I can honestly say that no amount of money would have made a difference to our lovely Christmas, especially as my parents were here to share it with us. Now I am looking forward to the next few Christmas celebrations where the little one can truly get into the magic of Father Christmas, and I can use 'Santa' to remind him to be behave well (or get no presents).

As the year ticks by and we enter 2017 with a 5 month old bundle of fun I have started to think about how much I have learned in the past 4/5 months. Feeding, holding, soothing, bathing and generally just interacting with the baby has become much easier. There is never a shortage of advice from either friends, family, other parents or just passers by  who are willing to give handy hints on how to survive through those first 3 months of the baby arriving and having your entire word disrupted. The pictures below definitely show how we, (I should say I), have developed through the parenting process.

I also need to develop a few of these clever strategies:

Moving house with a baby..... oh this does take some planning, and as much as I enjoy planning things, moving house is stressful enough without adding the complications of what needs to follow the baby. We've had some interesting conversations about what was 'essential' and needed to move with the little one. I  have to say that my wife's logic won out over my pragmatic approach and we have held on to some items which will help us keep him occupied whilst we complete the full move in the coming days.

As 2017 is now here I am hoping for a year of stability. No more moves in country or overseas, no job changes, no pregnancies, no major life events of any sorts if possible. Hopefully 2017 can be a year of just pleasant simplicity, and enjoying the development of both the little one, and the not so little one. (plus myself as well).

THE OCCUPATION BIT:

I can say with all honesty that 2016 will remain a significant turning point in my life. A new permanent, 24 hour, challenging, sometimes dumbfounding occupation has arrived in my life. It's added daily challenges, joy, stress and frustrations to everyday life. It's very different from the parenting role I already held (as a step-parent), but equally rewarding (so far).

This new role has caused an involuntary seismic shift in my participation in what I considered to be my usual roles and other occupations. This new occupation has even affected the social interactions I have in all other occupations, and seems to have changed my own and other peoples perception of me as a person. Indeed, people ask my about this occupation of being a parent, usually before they ask me how I am doing as an individual... that's been a really big change. It's almost like instead of having a sign above my head with my name 'DAN' on it, the sign simply says 'NEW PARENT'. The loss of my identity as an individual as a result of this change was not something I had considered much prior to having a baby. I am getting used to it, though am fortunate enough to have a very wide group of friends who do still ask me "oh hey Dan, how are you doing?" before they ask - oh hey, how's the baby?

The other major issue is that of occupational competence. Prior to experiencing being a parent of a new born, I have always felt a reasonable sense of mastery of the things I have done in my life, (since being in my early 20's). I'd always assumed that parents kinda knew what they were doing. One thing I have learned via experience and vicariously through other new parents, is that many situations occur and you just don't know what to do...a and that can be really scary and make you feel a bit crappy. People don't tend to ask you if there is any thing you are struggling with? - however, I've learned that asking that question (to people you know well enough to ask that kind of question to) often gives them a reason to offload anything they want or need to.  So please be patient with new parents, don't judge their actions too quickly, and occasionally if you have a close enough relationship, ask them if they are struggling with anything.  

Cheers for Reading :)
Dan