So 3 weeks ago today the baby arrived! A baby boy with a full head of hair which is a very different colour to my own. He seemed fairly chilled as he made his first appearance in this world and stayed like that for all of 24 hours... then reality kicked in and life has changed beyond all recognition...
You know how people tell you things like "oh you'll be having sleepless nights for a while" and "get lots of sleep now", and "oh you won't have time for anything with a new-born" - and you think to yourself, why would you say all these (fairly negative) things to me now - just before I am going to experience one of the most joyous life experiences? - well now I know why people say these things - it's a warning! It's not a flippant remark. They are secretly saying 'oh you poor bastard! You have no idea what you have signed up for"...
As a pretty organized person 'time' has always been a friend to me. My weeks have always been packed with lots of different activities, different groups of people and not so much time at home. Well that's all changed so drastically that I have to check my own passport to make sure that I am not suffering from "Imposter syndrome".
Time no longer feels like something that is endless, fluid or variable depending on any given activity. In these first few weeks of the baby's life there is almost no way to plan ahead. The household routine has revolved solely around the baby's needs - mainly feeding. All other household activities get pushed down the priority list and non-baby meal-times, teenager's homework time, visitors, showering and even dressing on occasions get delayed. There has been little rhyme of reason for the baby's variable sleeping and feeding times so everyone else simply has to adapt. Quieting a crying baby was week one's priority, though the urgency of this is reducing.
What I have come to realize quite quickly is summed up pretty well by this next picture, because no matter how organized you think you can be...
Since the baby arrived the kind of conversations had at home have totally changed as you might expect. Instead of talking about work, football, tv, family or news - we talk about poo, wee, breasts, sleep, nappy (diaper) quality, skin rashes - oh and then maybe about what we will have for dinner. Conversations outside of home have changed just as much. I don't think I've ever had so many conversations about my wife's body parts in all my life, as much as I have within the last few weeks. Health professionals, the antenatal group members, other mothers, friends, work colleagues, - all ask (what in any other context would be really intrusive questions) - about my wife's body - but it seems quite normal to ACTUALLY SHARE THIS INFORMATION. Seeing the boundaries of relationships change (even temporarily) is something that has really surprised me.
On a totally random note, when the baby was born, the hospital midwife pointed to an area on the base of his back and said " oh look, he has a "Mongolian Blue Spot" - at the time I was in too much of a state of wonder to know if I should be worried or offended.... For those of you wondering what the hell a Mongolian Blue Spot actually is:
Mongolian spots are very common in any part of the body of dark-skinned babies. They are flat, gray-blue in color (almost looking like a bruise), and can be small or large. They are caused by some pigment that didn't make it to the top layer when baby's skin was being formed.
People say that babies can test the patience of a saint, and just 3 weeks into this experience I can totally agree with this statement. I'm not saying that I am a 'Saint' but I do have a serious amount of patience (generally speaking). One problem I'm finding though is that babies are really good at making you feeling guilty when you experience a negative emotion towards them- not consciously of course... you can find yourself starting to feel angry towards them because they do some of the following:
- appear to cry without any good reason, and don't top crying,
- shit in their nappy the minute you put a clean one on them,
- pee all over you, and then crap in their newly changed nappy again,
- wake you from that precious hour of sleep you thought you just might get,
- stop you from being able to eat when you are hungry, or sleep when you are tired.
- turn you into an 'on-call zombie'.
So there have been moments when I think to myself, ok, I'm doing this for you now, but I'm going to get some compensation back from you in the future - such as 50% of your life-time salary, 25% of any big lottery win, or perhaps the ultimate revenge (see below):
Then you have the flip side of things that just make you keep doing all these things that you don't like doing... because the baby has those moments of total and utter cuteness. They look up at you as if to say: " you are my world - so you have to help me" or "thanks dad, you are the perfect shape to sleep on". However if babies had a more developed form of communication I'm pretty sure they would be saying:
So, 3 weeks in and despite living in a time vacuum around this little poo-bag / sound amplifier - my 'occupations' and the boundaries around personal disclosure, participation in social activities, division of family time and personal values have already changed substantially.
In my humble opinion the traditional Occupational Therapy Theories & Models that depicted finding a balance between Self-Care, Leisure & Productivity to maintain well-being do no apply to the guardians of a new-born baby.
If this was the Kawa River Model - I'd be somewhere in a big river, surrounded by rapids, perched on some driftwood with a paddle the size of a spoon... or looking something like this...
That's probably enough for now... as time has caught up with me....
Night from New Zealand
Dan
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