One week ago: I'm totally KNACKERED... and it's only Monday I'm at the start of the week and I feel like I've ran a half marathon, built a wall, moved house, and studied for all the exams I have ever taken in a 2 day period. Somehow my brain is functioning - albeit slowly, but my eyelids are making the loudest protest right now. I've gone from not caring when the baby wakes up (because you just want to give him whatever he needs any time of day or night), to thinking that he is really a an evil mastermind who has the ability to sense when you are at your weakest - then give you a look of pure cruelty...
What I wouldn't give to be back in Vietnam with a two hour lunch break - and the chance of a power nap. Mind you, if I could sleep for two hours at work I'm afraid I'd be a drooling mess within 10 minutes and snoring like a bear after a night on the beers....
I honestly can not remember how a time when my sleep has been so interrupted. I'm not after sympathy here, I know there are lots of people out there who have sleep issues. I'm merely commenting that having a new-born in the house who needs immediate attention at any given point in 24 hours - is bloody hard work when you are not used to it.
One week later: I had a great night's sleep last night and feeling alert and fully orientated to time, place & person! I'd definitely score 30/30 on the mini-mental state examination today - what a difference a good night's sleep can make!
One week later: I had a great night's sleep last night and feeling alert and fully orientated to time, place & person! I'd definitely score 30/30 on the mini-mental state examination today - what a difference a good night's sleep can make!
Being 'on-call' 24 hours for a baby got me thinking about a really good discussion point - Attachment Parenting:
Attachment theory states that a strong emotional and physical attachment to at least one primary caregiver is critical to personal development. John Bowlby first coined the term as a result of his studies involving the developmental psychology of children from various backgrounds.
This theory splits opinion in the parenting and psychological worlds. I think some people get caught up with the extreme idea that attending to your baby's every whim, instantly for as long as you can - is probably going to lead to some pretty exhausted parents / care givers - and fractured social relationships. Also some people believe that you will set a precedent were your child becomes needy and unable to deal with delayed gratification... you know the tantrum child who wants instantaneous attention
On a more realistic level I do believe that having close physical bonds with your baby is not going to do any harm, and (for me personally) I believe that a new-born baby is not able to manipulate it's carer into bad habits.
On a more realistic level I do believe that having close physical bonds with your baby is not going to do any harm, and (for me personally) I believe that a new-born baby is not able to manipulate it's carer into bad habits.
I've seen the effects of poor physical and emotional attachments both through my time in Romania www.otdaninromania.blogspot.com and arguably throughout my time working in 'moderate to severe' mental health services in the UK and NZ.
Anyone that knows me pretty well knows I'm also a great fan of the behavioural school of Psychology and like to get creative in problem-solving when trying to modify the behavior of others. My theories of school discipline in the UK has raised more than a few eyebrows (think white vans, physical punishment & regulated assessors / pain administrators).
Anyone that knows me pretty well knows I'm also a great fan of the behavioural school of Psychology and like to get creative in problem-solving when trying to modify the behavior of others. My theories of school discipline in the UK has raised more than a few eyebrows (think white vans, physical punishment & regulated assessors / pain administrators).
Then there is the Santa Claus motivator. Having a Santa suit handy mainly through the months of March - December can be a great way to keep you youngster in check. Having Santa appear shortly after your child's severe misdemeanor or great behaviour with a 'Naughty/Nice' list - (with your child's name in BIG RED letters on the naughty or nice list) - can be a great reinforcement for good behaviour.
Getting out and about:
Someone said to me that when you have a baby "it's all about home, home is pretty much where you live all your life". I'm not a homely person - the idea of spending endless amount of time in the the house fills me with dread to be honest. I like the idea of a restful few days, but ultimately after a few hours of 'chilling out' I'm looking for something to do.
Hence, the frequent debates about under what circumstances is it ok to take a young baby out. To put this in context - I live in one of the windiest cities in the world - honestly... and when the wind comes from the South (South Pole) it's bloody freezing. Lots of people have an opinion on exposing babies to the elements however getting fresh air and especially natural sunlight can be really important.
It's not just about the baby though, having some time away from baby (where possible) has been hugely helpful, and being reminded that you have not been put on this earth for the sole purpose of cleaning poo and providing food is pretty good. Interestingly for me is that so far - the baby is often sleeping better when he's out (or on the move - in the pram or car), and seems to be pretty happy letting other people handle him.
Fortunately we have been blessed with amazing friends who have not only brought food with them when they visit, but also they bring tales of the outside world and a reminder that we didn't always live exclusively in these few walls. Honestly, the spirit of kindness shown by people continues to move me and we have lots of karma we need to pass on to others to keep the karma flowing.
Getting out and about:
Someone said to me that when you have a baby "it's all about home, home is pretty much where you live all your life". I'm not a homely person - the idea of spending endless amount of time in the the house fills me with dread to be honest. I like the idea of a restful few days, but ultimately after a few hours of 'chilling out' I'm looking for something to do.
Hence, the frequent debates about under what circumstances is it ok to take a young baby out. To put this in context - I live in one of the windiest cities in the world - honestly... and when the wind comes from the South (South Pole) it's bloody freezing. Lots of people have an opinion on exposing babies to the elements however getting fresh air and especially natural sunlight can be really important.
It's not just about the baby though, having some time away from baby (where possible) has been hugely helpful, and being reminded that you have not been put on this earth for the sole purpose of cleaning poo and providing food is pretty good. Interestingly for me is that so far - the baby is often sleeping better when he's out (or on the move - in the pram or car), and seems to be pretty happy letting other people handle him.
Fortunately we have been blessed with amazing friends who have not only brought food with them when they visit, but also they bring tales of the outside world and a reminder that we didn't always live exclusively in these few walls. Honestly, the spirit of kindness shown by people continues to move me and we have lots of karma we need to pass on to others to keep the karma flowing.
The Occupation Bit
So what have we learned since the last post? Sleep is the most precious thing in the world:
As OT's we often talk about problem solving, goal setting, mastery of skills, the establishment of routine, and the impacts that our occupations have on our self-image, self-worth and general well-being. The role of parenting has been a role in which I've been made to feel very inadequate, very quickly, without any real quick sense of mastery, definitely no definitive routine and feeling like the locus of control is very much external - i.e the baby! So many parents talk of feeling frustrated in those moments whereby you try everything and nothing seems to work when you try and settle your little one... The role also totally encompasses and fills your world to the point that you can really start to question your own competence and self-confidence.
Your general well-being is certainly put to the test with the sleep deprivation / disturbance, and reduction of other social activities. Keeping a sense of reality, by sharing the experience with others - either family and friends that have been through it, and also most helpfully other new parents, is a great help as you realise that you are certainly not going through this alone and the difficulties you face are not unique to your baby.
That's enough for now.
Regards from New Zealand.
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